


scene stealer

by drilbur



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Feelings, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gratuitous Pining, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, it's all abt the gay yearning man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:54:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drilbur/pseuds/drilbur
Summary: the events of an awards night (and more), as told by taeyong lee.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 11
Kudos: 66





	scene stealer

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry you have to read this T__T and thank u to sona for proofreading this menace of a fic for me ily
> 
> [soundtrack :D](https://link.tospotify.com/KSXeOEYEqbb)

for the longest time, taeyong thought that the world before him was something that would slip away like desert sand if he didn’t hold it tightly enough in his tired palms. in his head, there has been this world that he so skilfully constructed that he takes comfort in the fact that there is nothing in the real world that would hurt him even if it tried. he was practically invincible. and so now, he stands in front of the cameras, flashing their blinding lights at him in a spectacle as he raises his hand slightly to pose and show off his embroidered tuxedo for the night, completely in tune with the one yuta is wearing right beside him. his heart dares to leap out of his throat in a ditch attempt to finally bring taeyong back to reality where yuta inches closer to him and wraps his arm, sneaking around taeyong’s waist. he lets out a gasp that’s inaudible and yuta turns to look at him at that moment, and taeyong swears that there’s nothing more he wants than to leave his head and jump right out into the deep waters of the real world.

yuta and him. yuta nakamoto. fellow film history and acting major at the film institute that taeyong studied at for three years and not once did they both acknowledge each other until the casting call for aeternatum was posted. yuta was an aspiring actor from what taeyong could tell, all from the one original play that he acted in and the numerous acting workshops that they’ve caught sight of each other at. aeternatum was taeyong’s breakthrough role, bagging it amidst all the competition in his class and when yuta was announced to be the other lead role, taeyong was thrilled. aeternatum, was to be a wholly fresh feature film directed by famed johnny suh, winner of the previous year’s best director award at the baftas for his adventurous coming of age film, boy and the balloon which basically put him among the many great contributions to film in the year. the main gimmick of aeternatum was that johnny suh was looking to work with a completely inexperienced team if possible and that included the crew as well. taeyong and yuta felt right at home. soon enough, yuta holding taeyong’s hands despite the camera being switched off to calm his nerves, and taeyong dropping yuta off at his apartment late after the shoot in his motorcycle and lingering around to see if got home safely became a regular occurrence.

taeyong doesn’t know how he let his guards drop so easily when it came to yuta. something about yuta nakamoto made taeyong feel like he was weightless, like he fit right into the perfect world that only he had access to so far. calls at 3 am, talking about the script and discussing how to improve it to talking about pet kittens and the little romance going on between two of their crew members were all things that taeyong remembers so fondly. if he tried hard enough now, he could recall how it felt as the little pulse point of his moved towards his feet as he slowly curled up to himself as yuta talked into him on the phone, middle of the night and voice clouded and full of haze. taeyong doesn’t know it all. but sometimes, taeyong wishes he can, and god he’s tried his best.

“hey yuta, people are saying we’re dating now,” taeyong had giggled over the static lines and he slowly shifted as yuta said, “let them say whatever they want, it’s kinda funny, i’m not gonna lie—” aeternatum wasn’t particularly a fully romantic movie, there were hints of it, yes. (the two characters share a faithful kiss under the translucent blankets, praying to stay together but also dreading their doom at the same time,) yuta hadn’t kissed taeyong of course, was just close enough to count the eyelashes in taeyong’s left eye and point out the curve in his lips that hung around for the rest of the day. taeyong will pretend to this day that he didn’t know what it felt like to have yuta slotted between his legs, hovering over him, arms caging taeyong’s lithe body under the white blanket. them in their own little space, breathing the same shared air and gazing into the universes of each other’s eyes. when johnny yelled cut, the illusion was broken and yuta was back to being the same enthusiastic boy that he knew two years ago and taeyong was back to living in his head, where he dared to tip his head just a bit closer and feel yuta’s lips on his own.

taeyong wished that he didn’t have to hear yuta’s boisterous laughter every time he found a dating rumor of them on the tabloids, sometimes following them around on their time together, hoping for a sneaky kiss or anything. (would be stupid of taeyong to lie that he didn’t wish for the same.) “they really want us to date, huh—” taeyong would remark at times, and yuta would always just go pink in the face and hide away his smile. the next few months consisted of events that passed by in a blur, yuta got his new movie deal, aeternatum premiered at the sundance festival and some of them who watched it said they even cried. aeternatum got the benefit of the doubt by seeing the name “johnny suh'' attached to it, and was promoted so much by the audience themselves that the film also premiered at the seattle international film festival and then theatres worldwide. safe to say, the movie wasn’t for all audiences as taeyong had assumed, but the response? worth everything. worth all the incessant stares he had given yuta before forgetting his lines and laughing out, worth all the takes that consisted him touching yuta (in so many different places) again, and again, and again till one of them had to take a break for some fresh air, worth not taking the plunge under the blanket.

the next month, taeyong got a call from johnny at 4 am and heard over the phone that they were nominated for the golden globes. for the best crew, for best director of a motion picture, best screenplay, and best actor in a drama. four awards. and one of them belonged truly to yuta and nobody else. he did feel sad that it was yuta instead of himself, both of them playing equally important lead roles in aeternatum being another thing. deep down, he knew that yuta deserved so much more than he’s given and a piece of golden statue wasn’t going to prove enough to validate his undeniable talent. he thought about the time when yuta confessed to him about how bad he wanted this role to be able to prove to his family that he was invincible, that he could do _anything_ he wanted to, and to prove all of them wrong. taeyong held in his thoughts silently as yuta had his words powerful and rushed out in the heat of that moment. taeyong wished he could set alight the same flame that yuta had burning in him, the same fire glowing ablaze consuming taeyong whole without even him realizing.

golden globes and yuta nakamoto was nominated for best actor among a slew of other well known names in the industry. a debutant actor, a newbie among all these veterans and taeyong felt his chest swell in pride as yuta ran to him the next day, grasping taeyong in between his arms and deep into his chest and crying into his neck. he had muttered a little ‘i’m sorry it was me, it always should’ve been you, yong. you—” and taeyong had pressed a finger to his lips and told him to always enjoy what the universe has provided him with. “i wish it was me too, i won’t lie. but you’re yuta nakamoto and no goddamn award show is going to forget you and i will make sure that will happen. you always deserved this, i hope you know that,” taeyong had said. yuta had shined his beaming smile back at him and taeyong felt a yellow butterfly daring to jump the cages of his stomach.

the golden globes start with taeyong and his perfectly constructed world finally coming apart, brick by brick in yuta’s hands. the cameras flash, capturing every lilt of yuta’s smile, every subtle movement towards taeyong, the burn of his fingertips on taeyong’s slightly exposed skin from the short waistcoat. taeyong flashes his signature smirk at the lights and falters when yuta inches him closer, closer till they’re standing hip to hip and yuta has his arms fully snaked around his waist. they face the tabloid interviews next, and the enthusiastic reporters slowly try to shove their mics into their faces. taeyong knows exactly what’s about to be asked. they’ve been asked about a billion times before, on talk shows, radio interviews, and whatnot. but as always, taeyong’s brain goes haywire and yuta is the one to take the wheel and drive them to safety.

“hey handsomes! over here!” yuta’s finger finds the back of taeyong’s palm and he slowly rubs them under his calm touch. taeyong wonders how yuta learned all of taeyong's little habits over time. he knows exactly when to bring taeyong coffee (evening 7:10 pm, right when the moon is rising above the horizon, and sometimes when taeyong is feeling particularly jittery over acting), and he knows where to touch to elicit what kind of response from him, like now. there's so much that a person can know about you, when you're placed in the limelight, unable to falter, perceived in pedestals among others. but yuta? he was always right there by him on this gravelly journey, and nothing was ever easy. the limelight seemed too harsh at days, and yuta would just breathe and grin at his general direction and taeyong would feel his heart do backflips in response.

"so, how are we doing today? today's the biggest day of your life so far! debut movie and you're already nominated for the golden globes! how are you feeling?" the interviewer asks yuta, voice dripping with saccharine, and a lilt that was perfect for the entertainment industry. taeyong watches yuta gloss over a small smile and then speak into the mic. "it feels surreal! i feel invincible and there's nothing in the world that could stop me!" the interviewer laughs in delight at yuta's excitement. taeyong stands beside him, feeling full of pride, tugging at the loose strand of thread out of yuta's custom made suit. "and you! taeyong, looking so good today, who are you wearing?" taeyong smirks and raises an eyebrow at the interviewer, "c'mon lisa, i know you want to feature me in the next episode of fashion police and call me all sorts of names!" both the interviewer and yuta starts heartily laughing at that again and taeyong feels right at home. right where he's supposed to be. yuta pulls him closer towards him again, and taeyong feels like a balloon tethered to a rock.

"i'll tell you what, i can guarantee the fashion police can never fault this look! it's spectacular, and both of you are wearing matching ones too! that is honestly so cute," and the dread starts spreading on taeyong's face. taeyong's a cancer, ruled by the moon, whose face shows every emotion oh so clearly onto the earth, and it seemed like she passed on this trait to taeyong too. after all, it's how he knew he had a flair for acting at all. all this confident demeanor that taeyong's putting up right now, it's all part of the bigger act for the sake of it. he holds his breath for what's about to be asked.

"so... are we hearing any news from the two of you together anytime soon?" she insinuates and taeyong goes blank in the face. yuta nervously laughs, tucks his hands into his pockets and exaggerates as if he's thinking for a minute. the interviewer seems hopeful, and dear god, as if she knew what taeyong was feeling. "i'm trying to think so hard but i really can't remember, lisa. don't you know you guys are the first people we're gonna tell if anything happens in any of our lives? right, yong?" yuta looks over to his side to see a forced smile from taeyong and a confident nod of the head. "aha! okay then, we are so glad to be bearers of the good news in the future! i hope you guys have a beautiful time tonight. congratulations and good luck on your nomination tonight, yuta!"

"cheers! thank you." and they're off. taeyong feels like a released dam, and yuta just walks by him, face poised and clear unlike him. yuta is a great actor, he knows. both of them started off at the same starting line and now yuta's right by the finish line already while taeyong's taking some huffs somewhere near the middle. but yuta's still carrying him through, the rock to his stringed balloon, arm in arm as they walk towards the artist photo booth.

"just do anything fun! we're gonna get it in slow motion, by the way." taeyong throws a prop hat towards the camera with his mischievous smile and yuta stands with one hand in his pocket and one hand doing some cringe sexy poses. yeah, the internet's going to go wild over this, he's sure. once the take is done, both of them pester the photographer to see what they've gotten and taeyong smiles happily once he decides it's great. the entrance to the main auditorium is just a few steps in but walking arm in arm with yuta over these hundred metres feels like a lifetime to him, and would he die happy like this? probably.

"are you nervous? i can practically feel you vibrating from here." yuta comments, holding open a water bottle to his mouth before he drinks from it, waiting for an answer from him. "i'm not nervous, but like, more... overwhelmed? they didn't teach us how to go to the golden globes once you're famous and not freak out back in film school, you know?" yuta giggles and finally drinks. "it's gonna be fine, you have me and i have you. i think it's simple."

taeyong melts like candle wax at that.

he nods. "shall we?" he offers his arm again, and taeyong's thinking about destroying his perfect world in his head once and forever. maybe this reality is nice. one where he and yuta are for eternity known to be whatever they are now, hands tightly intertwined, and facing the harsh lights of hollywood, together forever. he doesn't even have to tell yuta anything, not about his feelings or his worries or the intensely blooming warmth that is daring to come out of the pit of his stomach, into his mouth where he finally mutters those three words to yuta. and this time he wouldn't have to probably say it in front of the cameras, he would mean it in every goddamn way.

the stage is humongous, spanning the length of the entire auditorium from the middle, heavily lighted with dancing golden, purple, and blue lights at every corner, soft music playing overhead until the ceremony starts. a concierge approaches them almost immediately as soon as they enter and guides them to their already pre named seats, and thank goodness, yuta and taeyong were put in the same round table, next to each other, just as they had requested. the concierge supplies them with some water bottles, (healthy) snacks, and some napkins before they even sit down, and asks them both a million times whether they were comfortable and at ease with the whole set up. yuta is very generous too, he tips the guy with a kind smile anointed on his face and taeyong grins at that.

"big fan, sir! could i... could i have both your autograph, please? my wife loves you both and she would be thrilled." he hands out a small notepad from the inside of his waistcoat and yuta looks over to taeyong for a moment. "oh my god, we're just some twenty something year olds, you absolutely do not need to call me sir... what is your wife's name, by the way?"

"marie-ann! ann spelled without an e." the man smiles so hard that taeyong can feel his mood being elated too. yuta signs his name off quickly and hands over the notepad to taeyong. "so! what was your favorite scene from aeternatum? please tell me!" yuta sits up with his chin in his arms, elbows propped up against the table and stares at the concierge earnestly. the man splutters for words and taeyong slightly slaps yuta's back. "what? i'm just making some small talk! you're so boring," the man seems to smile harder at their exchange.

"well, if i had to be honest, it was definitely the last scene where you picked up the soil in your hands and handed it over to mr. lee. both your acting were so good there! the expressions carried it all through." he finishes and yuta gasps in wonder. taeyong finishes signing, and yuta grabs the notebook again, "to, my dear marie-ann, i hope you can pick up some soil with your husband too! have a great a day," he enunciates as he writes and the concierge laughs.

"there you go! thank you so much for supporting us both!" and he's off.

"yong. yongie, he was our fan. yong... he liked our acting." yuta whispers slightly and taeyong giggles under his breath. "so do the fifty million people who watched our movie, yuu. but moments like this... this is when it all feels real, right?" taeyong has yuta's right hand in his lap right now, playing with the small silver band on his pinky. "yeah. exactly."

taeyong tries so hard to not be star struck when people who he's literally seen only on tv take their seats next to him on the same table. he shakes hands with them in good manners and they compliment his looks while he talks about their films. yuta on the other hand, is literally trying to be friends with a rather old lady, telling her snippets of aeternatum's plot. "aren't you the boy who's nominated for the best actor award this year?" she realizes after twenty whole minutes and yuta laughs at her, eliciting a laugh from everyone else at the table. "i am him, he is me! if i win, i'll treat you to some wendy's, okay? i heard they got some great offers going on right now," the table erupts in laughter again, and taeyong only stares at him in awe, wondering how he manages to be the centre of everyone's universe, including his. most importantly, his. "both your acting was superb in aeternatum, boys. johnny suh really struck a gold mine, huh?" yuta hangs his head abashedly and taeyong flushes openly for the both of them. he could never really get used to the compliments. film school taught him that all compliments are criticisms and if it's good or bad will be determined by the actions that follow. but them coming from hollywood's finest, should definitely be allowed a free pass.

the rest of the show goes on pretty showy and eye-catching, with performances from some of taeyong's favorite artists that he stands on his feet and records with the highest quality zoom and yuta just sits and swings his body in his seat. aeternatum wins best screenplay and yuta goes absolutely batshit at that and with the camera panning at their table, taeyong can't help but join in too, putting his big smiles on national television for everyone to see. their screenplay writer, minhyung lee goes on nimbly to the stage to collect his award, gracing the audience with his toothy smile and an adorable tone to his voice. his acceptance speech gets taeyong a bit lightheaded though, he mentions how young the entire crew is and to have such an honor of representing a diverse slew of communities through him and his words feel like a dream and that he will forever be thankful for this moment.

yuta is somewhat close with mark, they stay back late at the sets sometimes and discuss the script, their stories, their lives with a bottle of beer by their side at all times. the crew were all the same age and that made it the silver lining of it all. johnny was not so much older than everyone else, just some seriously talented thirty five year old man but his voice and command do not match the vibrant personality that he usually has on at most times. again, after some long breaks and some appetizers being served fresh to their table, yuta is on his best behavior as the hosts mention him as one of their best dressed guests of the night and shows off his best smile to the broadcast camera. next, the host mentions taeyong and he goes red in the face.

"you're so cute," yuta says offhandedly, as soon as the camera moves back around them, and taeyong's hands itch to hold yuta's face in his hands and press a small kiss to his cheek. "shut up, i'm not." taeyong says defensively and yuta slightly kicks taeyong's feet under the table.

the event is somewhat of a blur, all taeyong can think of his how sharp yuta's cheekbones look under the purple lights that paint him so beautifully, how his lips part in the smallest gasp every time someone wins something on the expansive stage, how he turns back to look at taeyong whenever there’s remotely anything exciting happening. taeyong gets a text from his manager at that moment, and he rubs yuta’s knee to tell him.

“i wanna go outside for a while, wanna come?” yuta drops a confused look on his face and pockets his phone and then he’s getting up in an instant. “you’re sure we’re allowed to go out for a while, right?” taeyong nods, unsure. “people go to pee all the time, i think we’re fine. plus, it’s only like the performances and the cringe comedy going on right now,”

“okay, let’s go.” yuta grabs hold of taeyong’s hand under the table and excuses himself and taeyong from the other guests on the table. where were they going? no, taeyong couldn’t tell but if yuta would hold his hand like this always, he would gladly even cross the gates of hell. they wade through a bunch of smaller tables with less people and finally they get hold of another staff by the auditorium doors. “hey, um, we need to go to the balcony for a while.” taeyong starts, and the man bows politely and guides them through the hallway to another staircase that led to the mezzanine and then the balcony. and somehow, it feels like the nerves are only hitting taeyong now, at this moment when he feels crisp wind of night wash over his face as soon as the doors are opened for them.

“thank you so much.”

a pregnant pause starts between the two of them, alone in the balcony overlooking the traffic congested road beside the auditorium. yuta leans over with his arms touching the railing and breathes slowly.

“what did doyoung say?” taeyong blinks.

“doyoung? doyoung didn’t—”

“he texted you and you got all—” and he motions towards his body. taeyong grins a little and goes over to stand beside yuta.

“he just said that we’re all going to win big today and we’re gonna make news. you especially,” taeyong says, voice dripping in a bittersweet tone and yuta tilts his head to look at taeyong at that moment and the world stops on its axis.

“you—you remember that time when we had to enact ‘freselia’s nightmare’ for our intercollegiate fest?” taeyong remembers every inch of that memory, seared into his brain because that was the first time he had fully perceived yuta as a person and not just as an animated background character in his life. yuta was backstage, ready to play his part to perfection, taeyong as the head of the backstage crew for that day found yuta missing seven minutes prior to his scene. the entire crew had searched everywhere but to no avail but in the nick of time, taeyong found yuta in the prop room trying his best not to let his tears drop to the floor and ruin his already done makeup.

“hey hey hey, you’re safe. i’m here. can you do this today?” taeyong had asked and yuta had just sniffled in answer. taeyong was ready to drop everything and call in their replacement with just two minutes left on the clock. “taeyong—i’m not a good actor.” yuta said, muffled into his shirt, and taeyong stopped rushing for a minute and had just placed his trembling hand on his back. "i don't know who told that to you but, if you're a bad actor, just think about the time i puked on stage back in first year." that punched out a laugh from yuta and taeyong softly smiles. "that—the nerves." yuta said, voice low and tired. taeyong grabbed his shoulders and stared into his eyes. "it's going to be okay. trust me." and that one word had gotten yuta back on his feet after a moment of contemplation. makeup and hair done in record time, he was already going out and crushing his role with a flourish and flair.

"what a weird time. we didn't know each other but we knew each other enough to provide pep talk two minutes before going on stage." taeyong reminisces and yuta stares at him with a fond smile.

"but taeyong. we know each other now." a loud applause erupts from the inside of the auditorium and yuta checks twitter to know which award it was. taeyong looks at him in anticipation. yuta's words hung in the frigid air of the winter night, surrounding taeyong like a chain on his neck. the situation never dissipates even after yuta tells him it's the soundtrack award and taeyong blinks up at him.

"yong. we know each other well enough to hug this out for comfort, c'mon now." yuta drags taeyong's hand away from his side and clasps it tightly between his own and brings it to his chest and rests it there. taeyong swallows nervously. yuta probably doesn't know what kind of effect any of his words have on taeyong. the real world is a world where he longs for his touch, his praise, his affection. and in the clouds he’s conjured in his head is a world where yuta would kiss him right here, in this balcony, for the night sky to be their only witness.

"no cameras here," yuta tries again. taeyong smiles back in defeat and steps towards him, his hand stuck like a tether to where yuta's heart rests and slowly places his head on yuta's shoulder without a word.

"i... i'm so happy for you, you know." taeyong mutters. yuta nods in understanding, bringing taeyong's hand from his chest and placing it on his shoulder. "i'm happy for us, yongie. look how far we've come." taeyong lets his nose linger at the ghost of yuta's perfume dabbed behind his ears, finds comfort in the scent and sighs deeply. he closes his eyes and buries himself further into the crook of yuta's neck.

"if aeternatum was a one man show, it would've flopped so hard. even if goddamn johnny suh directed it. you made me—you made me shine and i made you shine." yuta says quietly into the infinite space surrounding them. "we made each other shine?" taeyong asks, unsure.

"you think i would be standing here with you if we didn't act together?" yuta's hand comes over to comb the loose strands out of taeyong's nape and he shivers at the electrifying touch.

"yong, i'm only here because of you, i hope you know that." taeyong removes his head off his shoulders and stares deeply into his eyes. his hands automatically go to fix the little crease on the lapel of his blazer. taeyong sometimes feels like he's the one holding back yuta, like he's the wind against his strong current, the one dragging his sails backwards. but yuta, he keeps telling taeyong enough that he's the reason the boat is even afloat and maybe if he does say it enough, he will start to believe it.

"we... we should head back inside." yuta brings his hand up to taeyong's cheek and rubs his thumb over the little scar beside his eye.

"okay. if i win this, i'm gonna wing the speech, you know that right?" taeyong chuckles and pushes his hand off. they walk in silence back to the main auditorium, and find their seats soon and then yuta gets a text from johnny who's sitting across the room, sending him a wave as soon as he looks up.

"johnny just sent me this." it's a picture of duck laying an egg and on top of the egg there's text written saying _we're gonna win this_ in comic sans. taeyong giggles heartily and slaps yuta's arm in response. and safe to say, aeternatum wins the award for best crew and the representative thirty of them go on stage, and yuta stands firm beside taeyong. and johnny delivers the speech. some of them go teary eyed, some of them straight up cry. taeyong can feel the magnitude of pride coursing through all their bloodstreams, their maiden project being awarded with one of the highest honors in cinema and suddenly taeyong feels immense gratitude and thanks the stars for his blessings.

"it's quite something." johnny says as he ends the speech. taeyong sniffles through his nose at that but he doesn't cry. when they go back to their seats, yuta looks at taeyong expectantly and shakes his head off.

"what?" yuta smiles at him. "nothing, you just look cute when you're trying not to cry." taeyong whines in response. "this is enough for me. this is all i needed, i'm the happiest man on the planet right now," yuta says, looking up to the ceiling and breathing out loud.

johnny doesn't win best director and that deeply upsets yuta and he goes on a rant about how hardworking, diligent, and talented he is and how much he deserved that award more than any other nominee. taeyong texts johnny under the desk and sends him a gif of a penguin sending a hug, johnny responds with a woozy emoji. johnny's always so easy going, so carefree but so inspiring, taeyong wishes he could just throw all of his anxiety to the air and place all of his burdens on the night sky.

"it's next i think," yuta whispers to taeyong as the hosts get ready to announce the nominees for the best actor and when taeyong reaches out to hold his hand under the table, yuta snatches it away and says, "don't, it's super sweaty."

"like i care." and taeyong grabs it back from him and clenches him tightly as the nominees video plays on the big screen. the camera pans to an expectant yuta as his name and a few scenes of aeternatum are shown and they vanish as soon as they come.

"jesus christ, i'm gonna throw up." yuta whispers under his breath.

"and the golden globe award for the best actor in a motion picture – drama goes to," and the announcers are pulling out a golden colored card out of the envelope and taeyong's head goes blank and white like a clean slate.

"yuta nakamoto for aeternatum."

his brain bursts into a million colors, paint on canvas.

taeyong can't process his vision for the next five minutes as yuta pulls him into a very tight hug, and hears the crowd go wild at the mention of his name. their fellow tablemates are congratulating him heartily and taeyong's gaping like a fish out of water, unable to process anything that's happening before him.

"i'm gonna go get it baby, you stay right here." he hears yuta say and he thinks he's definitely hallucinating all of this.

it doesn't really hit him until the announcer hands the golden statue in his hands, shimmering for all its worth and it's a great picture in taeyong's head. yuta belongs there, on the big stage with his marvelous smile adorning his face, hands wrapped proudly around an award, feet shuffling in excitement as he fishes for his acceptance speech out of his blazer. taeyong feels like crying after days, out of pure happiness and euphoria. he watches yuta try to form a few words into the mic, but all he does is stutter and he wipes a stray tear out of his left eye.

"this is real. this is real, oh my god." he starts and taeyong smiles. "this statue is heavier than i thought, phew. i don't know where to begin, i had a whole speech prepared as a joke in case i win," he wags the worn out sheet of paper in the air. "but this is real and now i don't have a speech to read from!" the crowd laughs. "i just. i just want to thank everyone who has worked with me, for me, told me that i was overrated for being casted in johnny's film, because you were the guys who made all of this possible today. to johnny and the entire crew, you have my whole heart. and dad! i made it! i hope you're watching this today and feeling proud of me!" taeyong hides his face in his hands, rubbing the tears out of his face, his makeup already ruined. "and to... taeyong," taeyong snaps his head up in a moment and there's a cameraman already focusing on his face and he tries his best not to look like he's the most emotional person in the world. what was he going to say? why is he looking at him like that? it was almost as if yuta had taeyong's heart in his hands, waiting to break it into two. "taeyong, i don't know where i'd be without you today. thank you for being my first co-star, and my source of support and strength. this award belongs to you as much it belongs to me, i hope you know that." some applause and conversations follow from the audience but yuta ends it quickly, "i love you, thank you. thank you so much guys."

taeyong feels like he's underwater, gasping for air, unable to see, unable to hear. all he can perceive is yuta running down the stairs, award in tow, walking towards their table.

"yuta..." he breathes out like his final word and wraps his arms around yuta in an instant, holding onto him like he's his only log on the vast sea, grappling for his dear life and yuta seems to be feeling the same too. he presses a small, unnoticeable kiss to taeyong's forehead as he guides for him to sit down. and the rest of it is history.

—

"i don't want to be here anymore, yongie." yuta whispers into taeyong's ear as they stand side by side for the group shot that's going to be plastered among all the newspapers coming out tomorrow morning, headlines saying that yuta is probably the next big thing in hollywood. their photos are taken, yuta stands front and center with the whole crew, showing off their three awards in one night and the cameras proceed quickly. it's quick after the pictures, just another interview about how happy and grateful he is to the people who watched their movie and thought it was nice, and another question about what he meant about taeyong on stage. taeyong remembers then that that entire speech was broadcasted on national and international screens and that the internet was going to take it and run rampant with it. yuta handles himself well as taeyong watches him from his little corner, arms crosses and lips in a prideful smile.

"what can i say? taeyong is my rock! he means everything to me," and he stops with that. the interviewer looks scared to press for more questions and yuta leaves it at that. it's all for the good. after he's done, yuta walks over to where taeyong is standing, hands heavy with gold.

"you will not believe this but andy samberg just asked us to join him at the afterparty," taeyong whisper-screams at yuta once he's at arm's length. but yuta only chuckles and puts his empty hand out, wanting something from taeyong and he blinks in confusion. he slowly reaches his hand to him in an experiment and yuta grins widely at the gesture. "c'mon, let's skip the afterparty." he says.

taeyong just stays still, flabbergasted. "b-but! andy samberg! and you literally won best actor, they're gonna ask about you—"

"i don't care. let's go somewhere else, i wanna be with you." taeyong's body sends a shiver down his spine from his head to the tips of his toes at yuta's words. his ears turn a faint pink and before he could let his cheeks turn the same color and give out his big secrets to yuta like this, he opens his mouth in defense. "but you were with me the entire night, yuu! c'mon, you deserve this party." he tries.

"i want to be with you. _only."_ taeyong's eyes widen in amusement. no, yuta wasn't joking around this time, he could see the darkness in his eyes daring to pierce holes through the bareness of his skin. something about this yuta felt so real, so warm, and _his._ he doesn't have it in him to protest further against yuta's wishes, so he gives in and asks him where they're going.

"let's—let's go back to my apartment." yuta sounds like he's on the verge of dropping off a cliff, a thousand metres high with no soft landing jets. he talks like all he has is this award, the recognition, his talent, his apartment, his bed, and his taeyong. taeyong nods silently and texts their chauffeur to pick them up near the gates.

"are you sure about this?"

"yeah. yeah, more than sure."

the minute they get into the cozy limousine, taeyong releases a soft sigh as he seats himself and stretches out his body. the driver asks yuta where to, and he replies with a tired smile to drop them both off at yuta's apartment. and then he closes the divider.

taeyong curls up and relaxes next to yuta who's still tense, clutching the bare award in his hand and staring into the distance. "so. that just happened." taeyong begins, and yuta breaks out of his reverie to laugh at the small joke.

"that happened. oh my god." and taeyong laughs till he's kicking his feet in excitement and boisterously laughing. yuta joins in too after looking at taeyong and both of them laugh it out loudly.

"golden globes. and we won." yuta whispers aimlessly, voice not above a rustling leaf in the air. taeyong shifts from his seat to sit beside yuta and he takes his arm and wraps it around his shoulder. "that speech, you really meant it, right?" taeyong asks after some comfortable silence envelops them and taeyong just rests his head against yuta's shoulder and idly picks out small fibres from yuta's suit.

"every word, yong. you're... everything." taeyong's head spins like he's on the fastest carousel in the world, and it feels like yuta's intentionally getting him drunk on his words, if he keeps this up for the rest of however long they will know each other for, taeyong might just implode and shatter into smithereens. yuta's eyes sparkle with salt, daring to express how he's really feeling but taeyong is quicker, he wipes it off before he can even bring his hand closer.

"don't cry. this is happiness, everything is perfect." taeyong reassures him, and glances at yuta's hand idly sitting at the foot of his lap, waiting to be held and kissed and loved. taeyong sometimes decides that he's had enough and thinks that he should jump head first into this freezing cold pool of water, iced and broken at parts. taeyong slowly sneaks his hand over and plays with the small silver band adorning yuta's index finger before he takes his hand into his own and holds it like he's so scared of letting go. taeyong is afraid to look at yuta again, he knows whatever this touch is, it's not from the same taeyong that he started working with on the first day of the shoot. this is someone who's morphed into a creature full of yearning, want, and love for the yuta of today, of what he's become.

"taeyong..."

taeyong doesn't say anything to his silent plea for an answer, instead he slowly brings his fingertips to his calloused lips and kisses them. one by one. he feels yuta shudder beside him. his presses the curve of his lips against every hardworking joint of yuta's fingers, bent and curling under his delicate touch and yuta sucks in a breath harshly. "yong." it doesn't stop him at all. he needs this, he needs yuta to look at him plain and bare, for what he is right now. his burning passion doesn't consume him all at once, he lets it simmer like a controlled flame, cooking his heart in a delicious stew of emotions and his overwhelming love for yuta. and it hits him all at once. he wants to _look_ at yuta, but at the same time, taeyong wants yuta to push him away at that moment and leave his heart hurting as it always has been in the first place. instead, yuta brings his free hand to taeyong's chin and forces him to look at his eyes. taeyong's breath hitches as he stares into the dark brown orbs of yuta's, full of confusion and understanding at the same time and he swallows thickly.

they don't share any words for a moment. the streetlights from outside cast a shadow over yuta's features, highlighting his eyes and lips every alternate second and the car whirrs as they speed through an empty highway. taeyong almost wants to cry. if he could subject his eyes to one thing forever, it would be this exact moment, watching yuta reflect his inner revelation from the high of his win but also face his best friend being such an idiot for him.

"you... you wanted me to kiss you during that one scene, didn't you? under the blanket?" taeyong feels like a kid with a hand in the cookie jar, caught red handed in plain daylight. yuta waits for his answer, the air feels heavy as taeyong thinks hard about what he will have to say to justify himself for what happened that day. taeyong casts his eye downwards, lightly catching sight of yuta's lips before he nods with a little tilt of his head. yuta laughs at that like it's a joke and taeyong's head rings fire alarms in volumes.

"you're crazy, lee taeyong. you—you make me go crazy." yuta shifts so that his hand is on taeyong's cheek, full and supple now and taeyong just wants to jump out of the moving car in an instant.

"you're so stupid, please, please for the love of god, let me kiss you right now."

his brain is nearly a bright white canvas, untouched and clean with yuta painting a boisterous amount of big red hearts over it in the most haphazard manner. yuta doesn't wait for the answer, he dives straight into the deep ocean.

when yuta's lips touch taeyong's, taeyong feels like a fired cannon, full of potent and danger but no immediate harm and yuta feels like the small spark that set him off on this path. yuta eagerly holds taeyong's face in his hands and searches for every crevice in his lips that he can swipe with his tongue and fill taeyong full of himself. he'll never have to feel alone again. taeyong can feel his heart ringing in his ears but he takes all of it and puts it into sucking on yuta's bottom lip and nips at it lightly before yuta slightly giggles at the gesture.

"i've wanted to do this for a while," yuta says as he breaks away for a few seconds, just to stare at taeyong's flushed cheeks and red stained lips under the artificial golden lights from the outside of their window. taeyong still can't think, he bites the inside of his cheek to still feel if this was all real. yuta leans in again and leaves a longing kiss to the plush of taeyong's lips wholly. taeyong's gotten a taste now, and he doesn't know if he can ever go back to what he was doing with his life before. the lingering taste of the champagne they drank still sits at the tip of his tongue from kissing yuta.

"yuta. is this real?" taeyong asks, still squinting in disbelief. yuta giggles under his breath.

"i can still taste your gum on my lips, yong. i think this is real." taeyong cracks a smile in a while, and leans in again and again, leaving little pecks to the corner of his lips. yuta shifts so that his back is on the cushioned leather seats of the limo and taeyong incessantly kisses him like he's a starved man, having kisses instead of food. taeyong pushes him back till he's positively hovering over yuta's figure, a stark contrast of what happened during that day and taeyong wants to push his luck just a bit.

"ah. look how the tables have turned." yuta smiles wide under him and pulls taeyong by the back of his head onto his lips again. taeyong could honestly do this forever, if asked. he nips at his lip a bit too hard to draw a drop of blood and the sound that yuta makes in response makes taeyong's toes curl in lust. he moves downwards, pressing his lips to the sharp edges of his jawline, then to his neck now covered with a slick button up that his hands immediately come up to unbutton one by one. yuta clenches under him, and pulls his impossibly closer as he lets out soft moans when taeyong moves a little bit to almost straddle his hips.

"you're fucking crazy, yuta." yuta laughs tersely before it's cut off by taeyong pressing his lips to every inch of bare skin that he can find, wanting and wanting for more. he licks yuta's bottom lip again, in an effort to soothe the small wound that he bit into but yuta preens into taeyong's touch when he accidentally moves on top of him.

"not here, i won't. i will love you like you deserve to be loved, yuu. i'm going to show you what it feels like to love you every single day of my life." yuta's eyes glisten under the light of the moon, and he brings his hand up to caress the little scar beside taeyong’s eye and smiles fondly.

"you love me?"

"never stopped. not once."

"okay," he says slowly, pondering. "okay. i mean i kinda knew." he says nonchalantly and taeyong lets out an embarrassing shriek and slaps yuta's arm for that.

taeyong shuffles off of him and tries his best to maintain composure and return to his previous seating position. yuta buttons back one of them and looks at taeyong expectantly.

"you knew? and you still didn't do anything?"

"i could never be sure, you know. i've liked you from back in college, yong. welcome to _my_ world." taeyong slaps a hand on his mouth at the revelation and his feet thrum in excitement. yuta laughs with him and stares back at the golden statue sitting right in front of them at the other side of the limo.

"how did it feel confessing to your crush on national television while also being recognized for your talent?" yuta has a dormant hand on taeyong's clothed thigh now, tapping away in an awkward rhythm. taeyong chuckles a little as he asks this question and yuta looks like he's already reminiscing a time in the far past.

"oh my god, i confessed to my crush on national television." he repeats after him like a parrot. yuta is the one to hold taeyong's hand over now as he glosses over them in silent wonder.

"i think this day might beat out getting casted for aeternatum as the best day in our life so far." yuta nods in agreement with a soft heat coating the apples of his cheeks.

"i'm glad it's you, yong. i'm always so glad it's you." he presses a kiss to taeyong's knuckles after he says it earning the most genuine smile taeyong's ever had the pleasure of showcasing.

everything feels calm at the sea of taeyong's mind, everything's taken apart but he's realized it's beautiful after he's let yuta into his world. if yuta was a balloon, taeyong was the string tying him to a child's happiness, no longer a rock holding him back. when they reach yuta's apartment, taeyong's getting his back pressed harshly against the door, hands immediately snaking under his white suit, gasping when the coldness of yuta's hands finds home in the warmth of the heat crawling up taeyong's hips. yuta eagerly licks into the burning desire of taeyong's, playing into each other's sins, each other's hamartia. yuta lets taeyong fuck him slowly for hours, allowing him to take him however he pleases. taeyong is easy and happy to oblige, watching yuta cry out tears of joy under him for the second time in a day. this is all of taeyong's feelings, raw and carnal in all their glory and yuta is not afraid of them, not once was he.

"if this is my last film, i'll be happy knowing i acted with the love of my life."

"oh shut up, you're so dramatic."

taeyong silently rubs his feet against the warmth of yuta's thigh under the duvet and yuta shudders away.

"doyoung's gonna be so mad." taeyong comments, checking his phone for any messages from him. and there are more than he expected. yuta chuckles next to him, pulling him closer towards himself by his waist.

"you think doyoung wasn't our biggest shipper or what?" yuta whispers into the shell of taeyong's ear once he’s close enough to him, body deliciously pressing into yuta's frame like they're most perfect puzzle pieces. yuta hums a song, voice gravelly and hoarse as he presses tiny kisses to taeyong's neck, nuzzling into taeyong's hair. he wants to forget about all of his responsibilities right now and be only yuta's for the taking, he swallows a lump in his throat as yuta presses an open mouthed kiss to the corner of his bare shoulder.

"lemme check what he's texted, he gets really mad these days," and the screen illuminates to life, and besides the many _where are you mfer !!!!!_ messages, there's one that says,

> _listen . as your good friend i'm super fucking goddamn happy that mr nakamoto and u finally went off to do it but as ur manager i'm fucking pissed at u THINK OF ALL THE OFFERS WE COULD'VE GOTTEN AT THE AFTERPARYT u stupid horny bastard . but im happy for u ok_

taeyong laughs to himself quietly under the low, humming noise of the air conditioner while yuta asks muffled, "what did he say? is he mad?"

"he's pissed but it's okay. i'll take him out for lunch tomorrow, he'll be fine." yuta hums in response.

"go to sleep, baby."

taeyong's not dreaming. it's all real and it's not in his head. his real world is just as beautiful as the world he's constructed in his head. taeyong leans his head back to feel yuta's lips on him again, lighting him with sparks that could adorn the skies with different colors, a beautiful festival. he's safe and sound in yuta's arms now, uttering his name like a small prayer before he closes his eyes, the golden statue being the last thing he sees before the world goes black for a new day.

**Author's Note:**

> now let's all pretend golden globes has a best crew award, shall we? also the chances of yuta winning on his first try with his debut movie is absolutely next to nothing BUT . WE ARE GOING TO PRETEND. not me falling in love w yuta all over again while writing this lol
> 
> please do leave a kudo/comment if u liked it !! reach out to me @ [twt](https://twitter.com/emberhit)


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